i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
how does that bad decision feel?
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