He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
