He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
