we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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