i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
