I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
