Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
