Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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