'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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