You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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