Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
