So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
