I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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