is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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