We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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