Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
