I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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