So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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