Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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