A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
