They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
