As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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