I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
