i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
love makes seman taste better
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
