i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
