I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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