I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
