if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
