you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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