Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
