If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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