I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's never too late to be topless.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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