Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
