At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
