Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
