Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
