i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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