I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
