So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
