I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
