sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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