i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
