are you still at the devil's house?
Buhtt sex?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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