i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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