I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
