My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
