I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
