Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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