C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Come on in and take your pants off
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