My liver just broke up with me...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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