Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
