there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I want is dick and wine.
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